My first year of teaching was nuts.

I don’t know what more to say or if I can process all the details without getting either deeply sad or being insanely boring.

I’m going to try to give the cliffs notes.

I work at a Title building, meaning lower income families, meaning families who are struggling a little more than others, meaning stressed kids, meaning more “behaviors.” Behaviors is the teacher word for “bad” behaviors. So there’s that.

Then I worked in 5th grade, which I thought would be great, but I told them I was a first year teacher which was a big mistake. They latched onto that fact and decided they couldn’t trust me and questioned every move I made. Also, it turns out that fifth graders aren’t really excited about school.

Something happened early into the school year that made them feel like the “bad class.” (dang I’m using a lot of quotes. and please picture me using air quotes for a more entertaining experience) I feel like this was a huge turning point for the worse. Every day became a battle.

I had my first meltdown in October during my plan period. My emotions kind of went downhill from there. I was exhausted and just didn’t know what to do anymore. I would have honestly quit were it not for my incredible support system.

Speaking of which.

I work with some amazing teachers. They all get it. They get how much heart and soul goes into each day of teaching. They get that putting all of yourself into something and getting poor results can make you feel crazy. They get that sometimes you just need to vent about the kids you love but also make you bonkers, parents who can think we are glorified babysitters, and a system that puts so much pressure on educators.

Anyhow, I finally made it to Spring Break…

then COVID hit.

I was honestly so relieved. I didn’t have to go back to school to the battle every day. I could connect with my students at a distance and in a more controlled setting. Kind of.

While all my coworkers were stressed about this new way of teaching, my stress levels were cut in half. I don’t have kids at home to manage along with my own class, so I could just focus on my two lessons each week and daily assignments. I even got to the point after the first couple of weeks that I was bored. And then depressed (alone all day every day and not leaving the house). And then I got into a pretty good groove.

I found myself missing my students SO much more than I thought I would. I was so overwhelmed the whole year that it was hard to connect and appreciate my fifth graders. I really want to take that away from this experience. I don’t get to keep them forever!

Next year I’m moving to first grade.

I am pretty excited to teach the littles. I got a little preview of this age group this summer during summer school and they are delightful.

 

Hoping for the best. <3